A loving approach to obtaining power of attorney
(July 25, 2024) — Q. How can I start a conversation about taking over power of attorney for my aging parents without coming across as ageist or dismissive of their autonomy? – Naveena
A. As parents age, roles often shift, and children may need to take on more responsibility. One significant decision is taking over power of attorney. This transition can be challenging without appearing ageist or dismissive of your parents’ autonomy. Here are some thoughts on approaching this delicate topic with respect and compassion.
Understanding the signs. Recognizing when it might be time to discuss power of attorney is essential. Signs include noticeable changes in your parents’ ability to manage their finances, increasing forgetfulness or difficulty making sound decisions. While there’s no specific age for these changes, it’s important to prepare before the need arises.
Initiating the conversation. Starting the conversation about power of attorney can be daunting. Approach the topic from a place of love and concern, rather than as a critique of their abilities. Emphasize that your primary goal is to ensure their well-being and help them manage their affairs smoothly. Use “I” statements to express your concerns, such as “I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit forgetful lately, and I worry about you managing everything on your own.” Allow your parents to disagree, give feedback and discuss timelines.
Highlighting the benefits. Explain the advantages of having a power of attorney in place. It provides peace of mind for both them and you, ensuring their wishes are respected and their affairs handled efficiently. Having someone they trust to make decisions can prevent potential issues, such as financial mismanagement or legal complications.
Involving them in the decision. Discuss the different types of power of attorney – financial and healthcare – and what each entails. Make it clear that this is about planning for the future and that they have a say in whom they choose for this role.
Seeking professional guidance. Involving a neutral third party, such as a lawyer or financial advisor, can be helpful. Professionals provide an objective perspective and can explain the legal and practical aspects of power of attorney, which might make your parents more receptive to the idea.
Respecting their dignity. Above all, respect your parents’ dignity throughout this process. Acknowledge their past achievements and the life they’ve built, ensuring they understand your actions are out of love and concern for their well-being. Remind them that needing assistance is a natural part of aging and does not diminish their value or the respect you have for them.
Moving forward together. Taking over power of attorney is not about taking control away from your parents but rather about working together to ensure their future is secure. By approaching the conversation with empathy, respect and a clear understanding of the practical benefits, you can ease the transition and support your parents in this new stage of their lives. Patience is key.
Be well; you are worthy.
Email questions and comments to her at leaninwiththekings@gmail.com.
Dominique King
Dominique King is a blogger who centers around marriage, family, fitness and personal growth. Her insightful and practical approach to advice gives everyday couples, parents and individuals a space to get answers to their questions.