Adult child wants to move out; parents push back
CONTRA COSTA COUNTY, CA (June 15, 2022) — Dominique King is a blogger who centers around marriage, family, fitness and personal growth. Her insightful and practical approach to advice gives everyday couples, parents and individuals a space to get answers to their questions.
If you would like some advice on a person issue, send email to Dominique at leaninwiththekings@gmail.com.
Q. I have paid rent and some utilities since my first job at age 16. Over the years, my parents have increased my financial obligations. I am now a college student and work full-time. Everywhere but at home, I am treated like an adult. While I enjoy my parents, a significant issue is that I am expected to follow their rules.
I have saved a reasonable amount over the last three years and have decided I want to move out with my best friend in a year. I told my parents my plan, and they were furious. They say that my income is a part of the household budget, and for me to move out is inconsiderate because of the gap they will have to make up on short notice.
When I ask my mother and stepdad to explain their finances, they tell me to “just trust them.” Am I wrong for asking them? Is it a bad idea for me to move? – Mila
Informed decision
Hey Mila, it is beautiful that you were able to assist your parents since age 16. It is also impressive that you have saved enough money to afford the cost of living on your own for the last three years.
Your parents made it clear that losing your income would be a significant hardship for the household. Therefore, they need to be willing to show you what that loss looks like and how it would impact them.
Parents often find it hard to view their children as adults. Still, with the handing off of grown-up tasks or responsibilities, a parent’s perception of their offspring has to evolve. Taking their word for it on a delicate matter will only raise tensions and bring underlying frustrations to the surface. Asking your parents to produce information so you can make informed decisions on your future is a mature and transparent approach.
Next step
Being in a financial position to move out in this current economy is no doubt a significant accomplishment. I would impress upon you to think about every little detail it will take for you to complete that step. Tally up your current bills outside of what you pay your parents. Factor in your deposit, rent, one-time oversized purchase items, monthly expenses, emergency fund, college costs and job stability. Do not leave your choice up to your emotions. The numbers need to make sense.
While living with your parents, you can work, attend school and save money. Will you be able to do this and maintain your current lifestyle? What are you willing to sacrifice? If moving still feels right, go for it.
It’s possible your parents will be upset about your departure, but they are adults who can balance out their responsibilities.
My final word of advice. Appreciate what you have now, so it is with gratitude and love that you leave the nest.
Be well; you are worthy.
Email questions and comments to her at leaninwiththekings@gmail.com.
Dominique King
Dominique King is a blogger who centers around marriage, family, fitness and personal growth. Her insightful and practical approach to advice gives everyday couples, parents and individuals a space to get answers to their questions.